Depression Archives

Depression And How To Control It

After diagnosing and in practicing the control of depression you will learn more about yourself than you ever have before in your life. From the psychological or psychiatric standpoint there will be a need to delve into the cause of your depression. Sometimes just understanding you aren’t able to handle a stressful situation or are not emotionally adapt at recovering from a relationship gone sour is enough to understand where depression begins.

The extremes can be too much within the varying degrees of suffrage due to depression. Getting out of bed or producing happy thoughts for months is something some people are not able to do. These episodes debilitate your social life and can even erode your personal life. Loved ones and family members of the person who is suffering can be affected directly or indirectly as well.

Growing more than melancholy on occasion are some people. Maybe your life just has too many responsibilities, or is merely temporarily off track, or you’ve experienced a devastating loss. These are elements that can cause a mild depression. This depression doesn’t cease all activities in your life but you shouldn’t take it lightly or ignore it.

Recognizing such stressful and depressing elements is how you can eliminate or control them. Awareness is one step, admitting you are depressed is another step and those two are difficult. But trying to get your type of depression under control is considered as the most difficult step. You must commit all energies toward healing. If you don’t think you can, then you need to engage a loved one to commit on your behalf.

It is possible to gain control of depression without medication. But if medication is required there should always be well thought out considerations of how medications will integrate into your life. The good and not so good aspects of being medicated should always be weighed. With the professional that prescribes the medication, these are the things you need to communicate with if you have serious obligations that need strict attention or if you are a young parent.

Medical intervention and prescription medicines are something you have to consider if you are not functioning in society at any level due to your depression. But having periodic bouts of depression could mean that a more subtle approach will serve you well.

Join HRU for programs that focus on leadership skills in nursing. An HRU seminar is a great educational investment for your nursing staff.

How Can You Treat Depression?

In the United States, more than 11 million people each year suffer from depression. This medical condition that affects the mind can have lasting effects such as a feeling of hopelessness, lack of ambition and an inability to focus. Though depression affect all gender and age groups, it is more prevalent in women. It would be a good idea to consult with a mental help professional like a psychiatrist in order to be properly diagnosed and treated. This condition is also known to affect employment, school, and home life.

A combination of drug therapy and natural remedies for a fully balanced physical and emotional state is what’s involved in most treatments. In medications, some form of antidepressant drug is involved. The most commonly used types are: tricyclic, Monoamine oxidase inhibitors or MAOI’s, and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or SSRI’s. Because of the lower risk of side effects, SSRI’s have become the most popular from for treating depression.

Often prescribed with drug treatments to help a person come to terms with issues, techniques, and symptoms for dealing with depression is therapy. When it comes to talking about issues, the therapy can either be group or individual. Dance, music, or art are examples of expression therapy and they can help articulate deep emotions and feelings. Assisting in bringing serenity and focus are relaxation techniques. Ideal forms of this includes yoga and meditation.

It’s also been proven that changing one’s lifestyle to naturally adjust the chemicals in the body and promote a better self image is helpful as well. Helping to regulate depression is eating a well balanced diet and adding Zinc, B vitamins, and fish oil supplements. Exercising several times each week is also valuable. To help meld the body, mind, and spirit and alleviate symptoms of depression, it would be beneficial to have alternate treatments like hypnosis or acupuncture.

Discussing all treatment options with your physician or psychiatrist is important in order to decide on the proper combination. Each person has different levels of depression and a treatment plan should be customized to the individual. If using supplements or radically changing your diet; make sure to inform the doctor so those can be taken into consideration when developing a treatment plan.

It’s not necessary for depression to negatively affect the life of a person. Many depressed people live full, happy, and successful lives with proper treatment. To allow a better sense of well being and peace, it is important to take action so that depressive tendencies can be minimized. Using a combination of drug therapies and natural remedies will bring a balance to mind, body and spirit.

Join artist Caroline Jasper to learn landscape painting lesson in this detailed DVD.

Mental Health Coverage – How to get Coverage for your Medications

If you need treatment for any kind of mental disorder, you will need to be patient and persistent. Many insurance companies do not offer any form of mental health coverage, and those that do charge exorbitantly high rates. This means that people with bulimia, panic disorder, depression, and pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder must pay the bulk of their medical expenses out-of-pocket. Anti-depressants such as Prozac are seen as a high-risk factor that could lead to expensive claims later on. Many health insurance providers treat mental disorders as pre-existing conditions or simply deny all claims related to a mental disorder. Unfortunately, medication is often treated the same way. Getting coverage for mental disorders can be difficult, depending on the insurance company.

While this might be true, it makes the lives of people with mental health disorders difficult. Many insurance companies compensate for potential losses by requiring higher premiums and deductibles. They hope that by severely limiting the amount of mental health coverage they provide, people with mental disorders will not file an excessive amount of claims. Insurers realize that mental disorders often require lifetime treatment. This makes them somewhat reluctant to cover the cost of medication. From a business perspective, insurance companies believe that covering mental disorders will make them lose money.

Your policy’s schedule of benefits will give a complete list of the types of procedures and conditions covered by your insurance. The section called limitations and exclusions will outline the types of procedures that your insurance provider will not treat under any circumstances. Specific types of medication may or may not be listed; if you do not see Prozac on the list, you will need to call your insurance company. Before doing anything else, you will need to find out whether your insurance plan offers mental health coverage. If you are specifically interested in Prozac coverage, you will need to read through your contract.

Ask him or her to write you a complete testimonial that states the nature of your condition and why Prozac should be a key part of your treatment. He or she will be happy to help if it means that your condition will improve. Enlist the help of your doctor. Health insurance companies are very picky and might reject an appeal without looking at it if you do not follow the proper form. If you need to appeal, make sure to consult your policy for the correct procedure.

Companies might still refuse to cover certain drugs, such as Prozac, but this law is a step in the right direction. This means that your insurance company will charge you a lower deductible and allow you to receive treatment with greater frequency. The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008 requires group plans with existing coverage for mental disorders to provide benefits equal to those provided for other conditions. If you have a group insurance plan, you will be happy to know that the first of several major reforms will expand your existing mental health coverage.

Sean L Johnson is a journalist for Health Insurance Buyer a referral service that connects consumers to the insurance carriers that can best fit their wants or special needs. Click on link to access your free quote for Real Health Insurance that covers Mental Wellness

ADHD treatment can be extremely expensive. Parents of children with ADHD often forget to factor in the cost of regular doctor’s visits, prescription medication, and stubborn insurance companies. Unfortunately, many insurance providers do not provide adequate mental health coverage. This leaves parents or other family members to should the burden. Adderall, a drug used to treat ADHD, can cost as much as $150 depending on your location. Fortunately, there are several new reforms on the way that should ease the burden. If all else fails, make sure to document your child’s treatment so that you can appeal denied claims.

This disorder is typically genetic, with the parents passing the problems to their children, sometimes unknowingly. Males get diagnosed with ADHD more often than females, but it affects up to 5% of children in the world. It is one of the most common behavioral issues that children face, but there are a lot of false diagnoses that may have an impact on the statistics. To actually be diagnosed with the disorder, children must display a number of inconsistencies in their behavior that set them apart from other children. The standard bursts of energy most children have are not signs of ADHD.

Many insurance companies charge higher deductibles and limit treatments for those with mental disorders. Fortunately, if your insurance provider already covers ADHD, you will be able to receive coverage equal to that provided for other medical procedures and conditions. This is due to the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act of 2008. This law forces insurers to offer a more reasonable amount of mental health coverage as long as they have some form of coverage already in place. The new law has limitations, however. It does not require insurance companies to offer coverage for mental disorders if they do not do so already. It also does not cover individual or small-business insurance plans.

When the new laws finally go into effect, legislators estimate that 32 million Americans will receive insurance coverage for the first time. This is a huge step forward. On a personal level, it will also save parents money and stress due to expensive ADHD treatments. New reforms promise to fix that oversight, however. By 2014, insurance plans sold through state exchanges will be required to offer medical coverage that is equal to other benefits in the same plan. These plans will cover both individuals and small businesses.

If nothing else, you can look forward to the day when you will have complete mental health coverage. Insurance companies try to avoid paying more than they have to, but if your case is compelling, they might reverse their original decision. Your child’s doctor might also be able to write a letter outlining why a specific treatment is necessary. Include any relevant research you can find, as this will strengthen your case. If your health insurance provider refuses to cover a commonly used drug such as Adderall, be sure to appeal the decision. You should keep a thorough record of your child’s treatments and prescriptions.

Sean L Johnson is a journalist for Health Insurance Buyer a referral service that connects consumers to the insurance carriers that can best fit their wants or special needs. Click on link to access your free rate quote comparison from Carriers that offer Mental Health Coverage

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Medication – Get Approved for Coverage

Zoloft is often denied coverage because it treats disorders that are usually excluded from coverage or are considered pre-existing conditions. If you need to take Zoloft for an extended period of time, make sure your provider will take care of the cost for you. If you decide to take Zoloft, you should be aware that many insurance companies will refuse to pay for the cost of medication. There are no concrete rules, however. You will need to contact your insurance company to find out whether you will be able to receive coverage. Zoloft is a type of antidepressant most often prescribed for obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, panic disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

If you are lucky enough to have mental health coverage as part of your policy, you might find that your premiums and deductible increase as a result. Insurance companies do this to reduce loss and increase their profit margin. They do not want to cover medications like Zoloft because they will be paying for drugs for years to come. Insurance providers prefer not to cover mental disorders because they require ongoing treatment. Severe mental disorders can also harm yourself and others. Insurers try to avoid risk by providing coverage to people who are healthy and therefore unlikely to file claims.

As long as you are able to step back and look at these elements, it should be easy to get the coverage that you deserve. It is important to note the number of visits that you are given each year, whether you pay a separate deductible, and the exclusions on your psychological health coverage. You should check to make sure that the psychological coverage that you get doesn’t require a referral from a doctor or employee group plan, as well as whether you are required to choose from a preferred list of professionals in the mental health field.

If anti-depressants are clearly excluded from coverage, you can decide whether you want to cut your losses or find a different insurance company. You want to make sure that your medication is not completely excluded from coverage before you file a claim. If you do not see what you are looking for, try contacting your health insurance provider for more information. The schedule of benefits should provide a clear outline of which services are covered. To find out whether your health insurance provider covers Zoloft and other mental disorder treatments, you will need to look through your contract.

You should always appeal if your first claim is denied. Insurance companies often reverse their initial decision if you provide them with a good enough reason. You might have to appeal several times to see results, however. You should make sure to keep copies of all applicable paperwork and conversations with your insurance company. Also try to find research that supports your need for Zoloft and send that to your insurance provider. If your appeal is denied repeatedly, try contacting an attorney for some legal advice. Your attorney might advise you to sue or to talk face to face with the company.

Sean L Johnson is a journalist for Health Insurance Buyer a referral service that connects consumers to the insurance carriers that can best fit their wants or special needs. Click on link to access your free quote for health insurance with approval for Mental Health Benefits

Intimacy and Other Interpersonal Connections

We need intimacy and interpersonal connections as surely as we need food and water. While our bodies can’t survive without nutrition, our minds and emotional wellbeing can’t thrive without a connection to other people. Our social needs have to be fulfilled in order for us to become self-actualized, according to Abraham Maslowe. In other words, “What a man can be, he must be.” In order to reach our potential, we need intimacy and a sense of belonging. In 1624, John Donne wrote, “No man is an island entire of itself.” Today, intimacy is more challenging to achieve; we build our own islands with computers and media, separating ourselves from “real” people and relationships.

While intimacy can, and often does, refer to romantic relationships, it can also be applied to virtually any close relationship. A friendship or a connection between siblings, for instance, can be intimate. What really defines intimacy is not the actual relationship between the people (couple, parent/child, etc.) but the sense of closeness, support, and belonging that accompanies the connection. Relationships like these are of the utmost importance, not only because they enrich our lives. Research has shown that married couples enjoy better health and a longer lifespan than single people. Children who have strong intimate connections have greater levels of self-esteem and are better equipped to maintain these relationships later in life. Those without this contact, though, have higher levels of low self-esteem and even depression.

We know relationships are important, but many of us are finding it more challenging to establish and maintain intimate connections. In her book, Alone Together, MIT professor Sherry Turkle argues that new technologies and increased connectivity may result in greater convenience but it is robbing us of valuable face-to-face contact that we need. It is Turkle’s assertion that as we move further into the digital world, we can interact with people without really paying attention. We can send a quick text rather than calling. We can update our status on Facebook instead telling friends news in person. On the other hand, we can connect with people across the world and keep in touch with those we wouldn’t otherwise.

In some ways, technology is a positive force for relationships. University of Michigan researchers found that undergraduates who used Facebook had more “social capital” than those who did not and that they had higher measures of “psychological well-being.” This was particularly true in students who had low self-esteem. Blogging has also been shown to be a great source of social support and connection.

But it is equally true that technology, including social media, can negatively impact our intimate relationships. It can reduce our opportunity to develop real intimacy with friends, friends, and even spouses or partners. In Alone Together, Turkle discusses our relationships with robots, such as those that clean for us. She writes of Edna, an 82 year old in a nursing home, who was given a My Real Baby doll. While she knows the baby is not alive, this knowledge doesn’t stop her from cooing to it, comforting it, and trying different body positions (such as sitting the doll up) to get her to stop crying. Meanwhile, though, when Edna’s 2 year old great-granddaughter started to whine, Edna ignored her, preferring to tend to the doll rather than the real live child.

Why? Because human interactions and interpersonal connections are messy; they are never clear cut. You don’t always know what to expect. You have to deal with arguments, the chance of rejection, contrary opinions, fussing, and other emotions that are not neat and tidy. Turkle provides another example with Roxxxy, a robotic girlfriend. The people sought to alleviate loneliness with Roxxxy often avoided seeking out real relationships. Again, for the same reason: there is nothing messy about a robotic girlfriend. She doesn’t expect anything, and you don’t have to chance unpleasant emotions. But you also don’t chance real love, connection, intimacy, and reciprocity.

It is interesting to note that most of the studies that have been done concerning intimacy and the digital age are mixed: some say it strengthens relationships, while others say it is going to spell ruin for friendship and marriage. Technology can strengthen a couple’s intellectual intimacy when they use it together. It was also shown to help some couples resolve conflict. For people who are too shy or hesitant to approach people for face-to-face contact, technology can be a great facilitator. But there is also the risk that technology will take the place of intimacy in relationships. It can distract, cause conflict avoidance, or act as a “time sponge.”

Intimacy in the digital age presents its own set of challenges, but it can also present opportunities. Nothing can replace a real connection with a human – whether you are getting that connection and belonging online or off may not matter as much as simply relating to others.

Looking to find an excellent provider for couples therapy San Francisco, then look no more. Dr. Seth is a renowned analytical psychologist who practices classical Jungian analysis to psychoanalytically-oriented psychotherapy.

Health Insurance – Treating Mental Illness

The drug falls into the category of SSRI treatments (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) which are believed to alleviate the symptoms of depression and anxiety disorders by increasing the available level of the neurotransmitter serotonin, which is responsible for the regulation of moods, in the brain. The drug is widely effective in the treatment of mental disorders although patients prescribed this treatment need careful monitoring in the early days of treatment. Zoloft is an antidepressant drug used to treat a range of mental illness conditions including depression, anxiety and panic disorders, some severe premenstrual disorders, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) among other things.

Zoloft is a useful drug when prescribed as intended, however it is recognized that this treatment can cause an initial worsening in the symptoms of some depressive disorders when first taken, meaning that this course of treatment must be approached with caution. Patients who have been prescribed this antidepressant should be watched closely and should consult with their physician in the event that they experience any new symptoms or a deterioration of their existing condition. Things to watch out for include; impulsive behavior, irritability, agitation, hostility, aggression, restlessness, hyperactivity, or a worsening depression. Occasionally patients prescribed this treatment will find themselves entertaining thoughts of self harm or suicide and will need reassessing by their doctor immediately.

Unfortunately, that also means they are caught unaware when they realize they have little to no coverage for their condition. Patients are blissful unaware of what illnesses, injuries, or chronic conditions they ultimately find themselves diagnosed as having. This is commonly the case with many chronic conditions such as psychological health disorders, cancer, and other high risk health problems. Likewise, most do not know the terms of any psychological health insurance coverage they do carry. Unfortunately, when a patient requires treatment for anxiety with medications like Xanax, they may not even know whether their health insurance plan covers mental health care.

Zoloft should not be taken in conjunction with another common and powerful antidepressant drug called MAOIs (Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors) nor with the drugs tranylcypromine sold as Parnate, phenelzine sold as Nardil, rasagiline sold as Azilect or selegiline sold as Eldepryl and Emsam as combining this antidepressant with any of these can have fatal consequences. While Zoloft is a commonly prescribed antidepressant it is not a suitable drug treatment for everyone suffering from the mental symptoms and disorders listed above. Women who are pregnant or trying for a baby should consult with their doctor if they are being treated with Zoloft. Women already taking Zoloft should not stop taking their medication without speaking to their doctor, even if they discover they are pregnant.

The best option is to enroll in some sort of group plan, such as an employer-sponsored health insurance package. These plans take anyone who qualifies and do not include pre-existing condition exclusion periods. If you cannot find a group plan, try to find an individual insurance plan that does not treat depression as a pre-existing condition and that provides adequate coverage. Although many insurance companies shy away from providing mental health coverage, you can still find a good insurance plan if you spend some time looking. This type of company does exist, but you might have to do some research.

Sean L Johnson is a journalist for Health Insurance Buyer a referral service that connects consumers to the insurance carriers that can best fit their wants or special needs. Click on link to access your free rate comparison from top rated PPOs that cover Mental Illness

Synching Your Sleep Pattern with Dawn Simulators

A lot of people have owned dawn simulators to assist them to awaken through cold and dark winter . A large number of these individuals claim that these devices certainly enable them to pull their selves from their beds and initiate their day with lots of exuberance and energy much like they normally do in the course of summer seasons. But how do these simulators exactly operate? How are they effective at significantly pump up individuals who are utilizing them to get out of the cocoon of their beds as a result of the cold and dark weather?

They trick our human brain; that’s the reason.

Our brain really doesn’t know the distinction between natural sunrise light and the bright light produced artificially by dawn simulators. Hence, this means that our body picks up to sunrise-like light the natural way; triggering us to wake up like we all do when our shut eyes are reached and hit by the sun’s rays each and every morning.

Daybreak is said to belong the category called normal synchronizer or “zeitbeger” (German phrase for synchronizer). In conjunction with sunset, dawning naturally synchronizes the body to the 24-hour time pattern of the world. This syncing process of the body to the natural environment is termed as “entrainment”.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is actually the outcome when our human bodies cannot maintain that entrainment towards the changing atmosphere. Understanding that inability of entrainment is attributable to the rapid production of melatonin (most widely known as the sleep hormone) of our own system. This significantly occurs during cold seasons, once the level of sunlight hitting our body is very minimal.

Melatonin is the hormone that causes us to become sleepy during the night. This hormone thrives in the dark which explains our sleepiness in the evening as well as on cold and gloomy days. This can be the main reason associated with the exhausting and dismal upshots of SAD.

And the output of this hormone is really what dawn simulators or sunrise simulators try to adjust. With these light simulators to wake you up every day, you’ll find that you will be actually being awakened by the day light of the sun.

Looking to find the best deal on gadgets like sunrise simulators? Then visit www.sunrisesimulators.com to find the best advice on any light therapy gadgets such as dawn simulators.

Whereas despondency is a normal, healthy emotion, depression is a mental health illness that is all encompassing. Unhappiness will cause one to briefly lose appetite, sleep, and vitality, but depression goes beyond those concerns, also impacting how one feels, thinks and acts. In children, depression can take hold at a very early age. It is a serious brain disorder that can stem from a variety of causes including trauma, eating habits and feelings of solitude among others.

It is estimated that one in 33 children is depressed, while as many as one in eight adolescents have problems with the ailment. Childhood depression is altogether treatable though, and drugs are not always part of the treatment plan. There are psychiatrists who specialize in working with children, and effectively utilize psychotherapy to treat depressed kids. The end goal, with or without medication is to help the child regain power over their thoughts and feelings to be able to lead a more normal life.

For children struggling with depression, it isn’t merely a matter of “snapping out of it.” If parents observe anything amiss with their child’s habits, all too often they attribute it to momentary sadness. A failed test, youthful heartache or just feeling blue may cause sadness, but sadness should lessen with time. Depression is far more serious and prolonged. Symptoms may include:

~ Hopelessness

~ Irritability

~ Missed school and/or poor performance

~ Changes in eating and/or sleeping habits

~ Feelings of worthlessness

~ Withdrawal from friends or favorite activities

Should parents notice any of these behaviors or attitudes, it could be a warning that something is seriously wrong. If a child is depressed, the sooner the condition is diagnosed, the better. Many children affected by this illness never get the help they need. Research shows a strong relationship between non-treatment and backslide. According to the Center for Mental Health Services, a young person who has experienced the disease is at risk for a recurrence within a few years. Neglecting to deal with the situation may have long lasting ill effects on the child. The National Institute of Mental Health says childhood depression can lead to suicidal behavior and is an indicator that a more severe oncoming of the illness may follow in adulthood.

Other research point to certain risk factors that suggest some children are at higher risk. As noted in the Archives of General Psychiatry in 2010, children who were diagnosed with ADHD between the ages of four to six years old are likelier to become depressed. Likewise, the National Institute of Mental Health found that adolescent young ladies are at greater risk than boys in the same age group, and that a family history can play role in the advancement of the disease, particularly in younger kids.

This illness is fully treatable for children with the help of a childhood psychiatric practitioner. A psychiatrist is a great choice, rather than perhaps using the services of other mental health professionals because he/she is a medical doctor. Consequently a psychiatrist has the training to rule out other possible medical causes for the symptoms, and to prescribe drugs when necessary. Childhood psychiatry focuses on strategies that help the child appreciate how their thoughts, feelings and behavior are linked. Through testing, psychotherapeutic consultations, ongoing reviews and, as appropriate, medication, a patient is brought back from the mental abyss.

Alternative treatments include relaxation techniques including meditation and yoga in addition to natural, holistic and/or herbal remedies. Natural herbal treatments are usually risk-free but like most medications, when used incorrectly, they can exacerbate symptoms. An excellent example is the use of St. John’s Wort, generally known to address mild feelings of sadness, this natural herb should never be taken with other antidepressants and is not effective for treating severe psychological illness. Psychotherapy, by contrast, is a safe, constructive method for treating the brain condition in children, making it a good first resort when depression has set in.

Reproduction permitted only if all active links are maintained and byline is preserved, and/or your byline is omitted. 2011 All Rights Reserved.

Author Stephen Daniels highly recommends a a Las Vegas psychiatristto help with anxiety disorders, substance abuse, depression, or any combination of these mental health issues. Dr Zedek brings more than 12 years of experience treating a range of mental health issues for patients of all ages, in and around Las Vegas, Nevada.

Divorce — Moving On and Letting Go

Even if you wanted the divorce, it entails loss. Aside from the ending of the relationship with your spouse, you may be losing your home, time with your children, in-laws, extended family, and even friends. There are inevitable financial losses, loneliness, a change of lifestyle, imagined losses of what might have been, and of memories of what once was. It may involve a move to a different city, a change of jobs or schools, or a homemaker entering the work force for the first time.

Divorce is harder on the spouse who is less prepared or feels “left.” It can shatter one’s self-esteem, particularly if it was unexpected, or if a spouse leaves because he or she loves someone else. Not usually talked about is the loss of identity that occurs — as a wife, a husband, and possibly as a father or mother. To successfully move on, each loss must be mourned. Much of the grief work can precede the physical and legal divorce and smooth the way. It can be useful to recognize Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Not mentioned is fear, which is a predominant emotion in times of transition. All change is stressful. Facing the unknown provokes anxiety. So many important elements of one’s life are in transition all at once, that the stress is enormous.

Divorce frequently rekindles the pain associated with past losses, such as an abortion, a death, immigration, or your own parents’ divorce. One man so looked up to his late father who had died when he was only four years old, that when his own son reached four, he not only divorced, but moved out of state, claiming he needed to get away from his ex. But the proximity to his ex-wife was not the real motivation. It was the painful, hidden memory of his father’s abandonment and the prospect of tarnishing his father’s idealized reputation by meeting his own son’s needs.

Many times, there have been both a prior loss and lack of separation from a parent, as in the case of a woman who was overly close with her mother following the death of her father. With such spouses the threat of loss is overwhelming. She hadn’t finished grieving her father, and hadn’t separated emotionally from her mother. This made “letting go” of her marriage nearly impossible. She created disputes and obstacles to settlement in order to postpone the divorce, thereby avoiding the grief, feelings of helplessness, emptiness, and abandonment. In such cases, anger helps to separate, yet on-going fighting is a way of staying in contact. Often spouses fluctuate between attachment and separation, sometimes being compliant, then resistant. They cannot cooperate without feeling they are giving up a part of themselves. For example, everything can be agreed upon but one insignificant item — one piece of art, or custody on Halloween. One couple had everything worked out; father would pay for the children’s daycare, named in the agreement. When the facility unexpectedly went out of business, he refused to pay for an alternative daycare and instead wanted to take custody. This endless struggle for control over every last detail represents the spouses’ last-ditch effort to avoid finality of the marriage and the pain of separation, loss, and abandonment. In therapy, spouses can work through their fears of separation and losses. They learn to distinguish the earlier trauma from the present and resolve their anger and grief towards their parents and spouses, which helps them to heal and move on.

Social support is especially important. Newly divorced people may not be ready to date or feel uncomfortable dating after married life. Creating a single lifestyle takes time. For some, they may have never lived alone. You may not be used to attending cultural and social events alone or have a companion with whom to go. Church and support groups, such as Divorce Anonymous, Parents Without Partners, and New Beginnings all can provide both support and a social network.

Take time out from your stress. Make time for yourself and find an activity that involves and relaxes you. Exercise that is fun, such as dancing, hiking, sports, or biking give you double benefits. A creative hobby will nurture you. Try meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises for deep relaxation.

The worst will pass, and you will be stronger.

Copyright Darlene Lancer, MFT, 2009. Darlene Lancer is a marriage therapist in Santa Monica. Visit Darlene Lancer’s website, www.darlenelancer.com, and read about couples therapy. You can also get a FREE REPORT “From Self-Criticism to Self-Esteem.”

 Page 1 of 6  1  2  3  4  5 » ...  Last »